Thoughts from Pastor Dave

ARCHIVES
June 2005 article
July 2005 article
August 2005 article
September 2005 article
October 2005 article
November 2005 article
December 2005 article
January 2006 article

This article originally appeared in the February 2006 Gold Canyon Lifestyle

Valentine's Reflection
Pastor Dave Abbatacola

“Catch for us the foxes, the little foxes that ruin the vineyards, our vineyards that are in bloom.” (Song of Solomon 2:15)

Maybe there are just a handful of days throughout the year when we intentionally put the romance back in our relationships. It hardly seems spontaneous, but it works. Men will hold doors open and ladies will wait for the doors to open. Little gifts and beautiful flowers are accepted and appreciated. For some, a normal dinner and a movie is replaced by a romantic dinner and a movie. For others, a night out is a rare exception to the rule and anticipated with glee. This “Hallmark” holiday is accepted and couples seem to overlook stress and strife and concentrate on giving romance and accepting romance, both of which seem extremely difficult on a normal day of the week. But we accept it at least one day in February.

The reason it is so hard the majority of the year is because life, at times, gets in the way. I call it “life”. Some call it “kids”. Some call it “work”. Wise King Solomon called it “little foxes”. His term for those annoying, irritating and tiny nuisances that get in the way of romance. However, if left unchecked these little foxes can ruin not just the romance but the relationship as well. I think his point is twofold.

First his warning is placed in Scripture to remind us that relationships are hard work and it takes two to keep it going and going well. Being aware of little foxes means we are to deal with them. Solomon’s warning is a reminder to not leave them unchecked, no matter how small they appear. They come in different shapes and sizes. They include things like a busy schedule; self-centeredness; debt; laziness; exhaustion; imbalance in household chores; drifting apart; boredom; insensitivity; irritability or pain from the past.

Most marital problems are not intentional, at first. Habits form, denial raises its ugly head, sleep becomes a welcome discipline after a hectic day and is more inviting than doing the work of a relationship. The sun goes down and then rises again (and again) on our ignored anger instead of working things out. Time goes by and romance, intimacy, real-deep communication and shared feelings are scheduled only for holidays and the rare special occasion. Before you know it, the little foxes not only have ruined a vineyard, but they moved right in and pay room and board! The Holy Spirit warns us through a wise king and his new bride to nip these problems in the bud before they devastate romance!

Another reason the Spirit penned this through Solomon is that the romance of the special holidays should be the norm not the exception! God’s design for marriage is for intimacy, passion, romance, doors-held-open and the expectation of chivalry. Respect and honor and courtesy are God’s design for the normal, day-to-day operations of marriage. We expect it and practice it before the marriage ceremony and God expects it after the marriage ceremony. Deal with the little foxes as they come, don’t wait. Seek counsel, read a book together, pray together - do some exterminating. No matter how they sneak up on you, when made aware of them - deal with the hairy little animals before they cause destruction. Be proactive in keeping the romance in your relationship, after all, God’s original intent was that everyday be Valentine’s Day!